Tweens Read Mean Tweets

CAUTION: this video contains direct and rude language and kids should be view it with along with a responsible adult.

Riffing off of Jimmy Kimmel's "Celebrities Read Mean Tweets" bit, the Canadian Safe Schools Network has created a video of tweens reading mean tweets as a way to shine a light on cyberbulling. It's powerful stuff and worth your time. Kudos to the organization for this effort - it is well done and relatable.

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Update from the Discovery Girls Tween Summit

Check out this terrific interview of two tween sisters from Kansas City as they talk about their experience at the Discovery Girls Tween Summit:



The sisters talk bullying, technology, and giving tweens a voice.

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Must See Video For Tweens at Back to School: Rachel Crow's "Mean Girls"

We were watching the Arthur Ashe Kids Day concert at the US Open this weekend, and a new performer named Rachel Crow sang her new single, "Mean Girls". Both this mom and tweens were captivated by the song, so we went online to find the video - and that was even better.

We love how this young girl (she's 14 years old!) captured both the loneliness of being bullied and the courage it takes to move beyond it. This is must-see viewing for all tweens and their parents this Back to School season.

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Gap and Old Navy Take a Stand Against Bullying

We just heard that discount retailer Old Navy is launching a line of rainbow-hued t-shirts in support of the anti-bullying movement via the "It Gets Better Project". The tee shirts are also in support of Gay Pride Month (starting June 1) - in doing so, Gap (Old Navy's parent company) becomes the first major retailer to take a stand on this issue. The "It Gets Better Project" is a movement designed to let LGBT youth know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel - that as an adult, life gets a lot easier to manage in real-life situations for openly gay people. The site was featured in a moving ad by Google during the Glee finale, and this month the site has videos of openly gay Gap employees telling their stories of bullying, how they persevered, and how Gap supports them in the workplace today. Ten percent of sales from these shirts benefits the "It Gets Better Project", and the tees are available at select Old Navy locations (but not online - we checked).

Certainly some Old Navy stores will take heat for this stance, but we're personally thrilled that a retailer is choosing to be controversial and lift people up rather than be controversial and drag them down.

T-shirts available in select Old Navy stores only (NOT online), $7.50 - $14.50
UPDATE ON 6/1/11: D.C. area Old Navy stores will not have this line in stock until June 2nd at the earliest.

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The American Academy of Pediatrics on Social Media, "Facebook Depression"

In a report released today, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) weighs-in on the pros and cons of social media and tweens. The report is titled "The Impact of Social Media Use on Children, Adolescents and Families" and can be downloaded from their website. We've pulled out the key takeaways for you below:

First, the good news:

• Social media can be a positive in helping tweens and teens to communicate - especially those who tend to be shy in group situations.
• Knowing how to use online social networks, smartphones and mobile phones is actually a relevant technical skill set.
• Volunteering and youth activism is positively enabled by social media, and it's getting more tweens and teens involved.
• Using social media can help a child to refine his or her identity by giving her an outlet for self-expression and helping her to find others with like interests.
• Believe it or not, middle and high school students truly are using Facebook and other social networks for studying - for group projects in school and exchanging ideas and continuing substantive conversations beyond the classroom.
• Students have readier access to important health information and can easily connect with others who face similar medical conditions. They can even use these channels to better communicate with their doctors, stay more compliant with their treatment protocols, and miss fewer doses of medication as a result of being more connected.

But there is also a darker side to social media usage by tweens and teens. We've touched upon some of these issues in earlier articles including our report from the White House Conference on Bullying Prevention. The AAP outlined the following as issues for parents to be aware of and keep vigilant about:

• Tweens in particular can find themselves in situations online that are not age-appropriate.
• Social media, online gaming and the like can be "addictive" from a behavioral standpoint and interfere with homework, sleep and face-to-face interactions.
• If not explicitly addressed, students can inadvertently release and share personal information online, raising privacy, advertising to youth, exploitation, and other concerns.
• Cyberbullying and sexting, themselves dangerous behaviors, can lead to severe depression among tweens and teens and may go unnoticed if parents are not aware of the networks in which their children participate. The AAP coins the term "Facebook Depression" in this report and defines it as what happens when tweens and teens "spend a great deal of time on Facebook and then begin to exhibit the classic the signs of depression."

The report is aimed at pediatricians and calls upon them to advise parents in the following way:

• Ask about and understand how your child uses social media and technology,
• Become better educated in the technologies your child is using,
• Have a family policy for online usage including a way to double-check privacy settings/controls and monitor inappropriate posts, and
• Actively monitor online usage and don't depend upon software to do this for you.

Related links:

• The AAP report on safety and tweens as babysitters
• Key takeaways from the White House Conference on Bullying Prevention
• Our tips for online safety for tweens

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The Obama Administration on Bullying

Last week we attended the White House Conference on Bullying Prevention. We posted our summary of the day's events and wanted to share some key quotes from top government officials and thought-leaders in this space. (You can view our minute-by-minute conference updates on our Twitter feed at www.twitter.com/mstwixt with the hashtag: #stopbullyingnow.)

Major discussion at the Conference focused on linking anti-bullying measures directly to academic performance – that is, school climates that do not tolerate bullying in any form are also the same climates that make academic performance possible. Another major point made by Administration officials was that bullying is not simply an issue for schools to resolve – it is a whole community issue that involves schools, parents, law enforcement, and community members.

Some key takeaways from the day include:

• "Why is the White House talking about bullying? Because we know it's far too prevalent, and we CAN fix it. The consequences are too great not to – kids won't be successful.  There are stories today about sadness and triumph. Today we celebrate our young leaders who are working to make a difference." Melody Barnes, White House Domestic Policy Council Director
• "The goal of today's conference is to put a spotlight on this national tragedy. Too many keep their pain a secret, and but it shouldn't be that way." Kathleen Sebelius, Secretary of HHS
• "I wasn't immune to bullying with these big ears and my name. I was not unscathed." President Obama
• "Our message to bullying victims is: You deserve to be respected and treated fairly." Kathleen Sebelius, Secretary of HHS
• "We need to make heroes out of those people who stand-up to bullying. They need to feel the light on their good work." John Gomperts, Director of AmeriCorps
• "We need kids to be at the center of this effort to solve [bullying]." John Gomperts, Director of AmeriCorps
• "You can't turn off cyberbullying by turning off the technology. Kids are connected all the time." Tina Meier, the Megan Meier Foundation
• "We need to use technology productively to prevent and deter cyberbullying." Mandeep Dhillon, CEO of Togetherville
• "In our schools, we need reading, writing, 'rithmetic and respect. Enforcement picks up the pieces after bullying, but we need prevention." Tom Perez, Assistant Attorney General for Civil Rights
• "There is no quick solution, but sustained attention and community-wide involvement will result in one." Kathleen Sebelius, Secretary of HHS
• "No school can be great if it's not safe. You cannot learn if you are in fear." Arne Duncan, Secretary of Education
• "We have to make this issue our own." Melody Barnes, White House Domestic Policy Council Director

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What Parents and Schools Can Do About Bullying - Our Report from the White House Conference on Bullying

We were lucky enough to be invited to the White House Conference on Bullying Prevention yesterday and spent the entire day surrounded by brilliant minds addressing this issue. We'll break up our report on the day's events into a few posts as SO much material was covered.

A panel of experts participated in this session which was moderated by Senior White House Adviser Valerie Jarrett. The panelists were: Susan Swearer-Napalitano (from the University of Nebraska), Justin Patchin (from the University of Wisconsin), Catherine Bradshaw (from Johns Hopkins University), and George Sugai (from the University of Connecticut). They shared the following about what parents and schools can do about bullying:

• Although there is lots of press about the misuse of technologies such as texting and social networking, the good news is that the overwhelming majority of teens and tweens use technology in positive, healthy ways. So don't just focus on the negatives or "blame" technology.
• We need to change the overall climate in our schools to prevent bullying. This means we need to: 1) actively supervise our kids both in person and online; 2) vocally and publicly acknowledge those kids who work to prevent bullying; and 3) change the dialogue about bullying from "this what happens to occur at school" to "bullying has an enormous negative impact on learning." Professor Sugai quoted research that found that schools with strong anti-bullying climates also had stronger academic achievement.
• Professor Bradshaw urged that anti-bullying programs have two-tiers: one for the victims, and one for the bullies. Her work found that bullies have underlying causes for their negative behavior including violence at home, developmental delays, and others. 
• Valerie Jarrett asked the panel for ideas on how to make it safe to report bullying so that students wouldn't be so hesitant to report bullying (this was another theme from the conference; more on this later). Professor Patchin counseled that action upon such reports be swift; otherwise all parties are bogged down in an interminably long process and that dampens participation. (Perhaps schools should have an anonymous Bullying Tip line?) His research also found that only 15% of bullying cases are actually reported. Professor Sugai added that anti-bullying programs must be simple and safe in addition to swift - the reporting process should be straightforward and easy to understand and use. Finally, it is not enough to have a bullying reporting process - a bullying prevention program is essential to heading off problems before they escalate.
• Professor Patchin warned that a knee-jerk reaction to cyberbullying is to remove the technology - parents and schools respond by banning social networks and mobile phones. But doing so won't stop the bullying since his research found that cyberbullies and real-life bullies are the same people - so the bullying will continue. Rather, he pleaded for parents to learn the technologies their kids use and be able to help their kids navigate them safely. This means learning about privacy controls on Facebook (see our tips!), monitoring where kids are going online (lots of companies can help with this), etc.
• Anti-bullying programs need to extend beyond the classroom to the hallways, to the bus aisles, to the libraries, to cafeterias - every part of the school. The effort must be holistic in its application to include teachers, all school staff, coaches, etc.

More quotes and takeaways to come!

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What Happens When Mean Girls Grow Up?

Thanks to Rosalind Wiseman for pointing us to this very interesting article in today's Washington Post on "What Happens When Mean Girls Grow Up?"

We're still processing and would love to hear your thoughts!

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New "Stomp Out Bullying" Video From Mean Girls 2

Did you catch the "Mean Girls 2" movie on ABC Family earlier this week? The made-for-TV movie has been critically panned, but the anti-bullying PSA coming out of it has been well-received. "Mean Girls 2" star Meaghan Martin (of Camp Rock fame) is also in the PSA; she recorded the video for StompOutBullying.org (as did Demi Lovato in 2009). BTW, the 8th annual No Name Calling Week is January 24-28, 2011.

Jennifer Stone also stars in the movie, and poor reviews aside, we thought Ms. Martin's minimal make-up and low-maintenance wardrobe was a refreshing and positive change-of-pace.



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Taking Back Formspring

After doing some research and writing on one of the most popular social networking sites for tween girls, Formspring, it occured to us: could we mount a campaign to "take back Formspring" from the girl-on-girl aggression it enables?

Instead of girls being anonymously and mercilessly bullied on it, couldn't we just as easily mount an anonymous self-esteem building campaign on Formspring? What if people (perhaps initially parents but then tween girls) posted questions that built-up users instead of tearing them down? What if our daughter's got questions like "What volunteer work are you most proud of?" and "What random act of kindness did you do last week?" instead of "I heard you cheated on the last algebra test and always do - what's your secret?"?

Wouldn't it be great if the Formspring tag line of  "Ask me, Like me, Love me, Know me" was put into action in a positive way? Wouldn't your daughter embrace such a platform?

Isn't it possible that kindness can spread just as quickly as cruelty? We think it can - will you join us? Open an account and start posting positive questions to the girls you know. It's time to stop the madness and take back a social network.

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Online Threat or Fun? Formspring and Tweens

Your tween may or may not be aware of a social networking site called Formspring. It's a website that enables users to ask each other questions, but it allows for users to be anonymous. Answers are posted in each user's profile as a timeline, a lot like a Twitter feed. Formspring just celebrated it's first birthday, and it has about 20 million users. (Full disclosure: MsTwixt has a Formspring account and has for about a year now.)

Whether or not your tween participates, with 20 million users, chances are awfully high that she knows someone who does. Formspring is not the only site of its kind, but it does seem to be most popular with tween and teen girls. Said one 15-year old Formspring user from Massachusettes: "I feel like it's definitely a site geared towards girls," admits Christy. "They're looking to have things said about them. I mean, it's why most girls do most things."

CNN Money had a nice write-up on the site and some negative experiences folks have had on it - because users can ask each other questions anonymously, Formspring is often used a tool in cyberbullying. Often times girls will ask other girls prying questions, and questions are often framed in an accusatory manner (e.g. "I hear your mean to other girls - so are you?" - and far worse).

It's too bad that a forum that really could be used to help bridge gaps and open doors is used in such a hurtful way. Our friend Rachel Simmons has done some good research on this topic, and she writes strongly about Formspring as the latest "cyberscourge". We really LOVE Rachel's video chat on Formspring in which she gives tweens options for opting out.

What's been your experience with Formspring? Has it been positive or negative? Should schools actively montior it as part of anti-bullying policies? How have you coached your tween about Formspring?

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Protecting Tweens on Facebook: Prevent Photo Tagging

While school is out for the holidays, tweens will spend a lot of time online catching up and staying in touch with their crowd via Facebook. Here's a new Facebook change that's coming out soon and how to keep your tween's privacy protected online - the new feature has to do with photos and tagging other Facebook users via photos.

Facebook's newest feature will use existing facial recognition software to scan uploaded photos and suggest other Facebook users to tag. This means that even if your tween doesn't upload photos or if your family has a policy against Friends tagging her in photos (as our family does), she can still be tagged by others in photos and found by those tags. The new feature will likely result in a lot more tags than before because it will be automated - before, tags had to be assigned person-by-person, photo-by-photo.

Here's how to prevent automatic tagging:

• Go to "Privacy Settings" under "Account" (the upper right corner of the page)
• Click on "Customize Settings"
• Un-select "Suggest photos of me to friends" (this won't stop a Friend from tagging you on purpose, but it can prevent a rash of automatic tags)

To "un-tag" a photo that your tween has been tagged in, just click on the name in the photo tag.

Finally, to prevent others from seeing that your tween has been tagged in a photo:

• Go to "Privacy Settings" under "Account" (the upper right corner of the page)
  
• Click on "Customize Settings"
• Click on "Things others share"
• Select "Edit settings" next to "Photos and videos I'm tagged in"
• Select "Customize" on the drop-down menu
• On the "Custom Privacy" screen under the "These people" drop-down menu, you can select "Only me" or add individual Friends

Check out our report on tweens and online safety here. Stay safe!

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Another Taylor Takes on Cyberbullying: Say It 2 My Face

We love this: a University of Southern California teen is taking on cyberbullying. A former victim herself, Taylor Audette had enough. She's put together this very cool online movement to address the anonymous bullying that happens over social networks like Facebook and FormSpring called (appropriately) Say It 2 My Face.

In her own words: "Our campaign encourages everyone to think about what they type, what they post, and what they spread online. The 'Say It 2 My Face' slogan helps people understand that what they say in the cyber realm is very rarely what they'd ever say to someone's face."

We think she's onto something. Encourage your tween to read about the movement and sign the pledge.

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New Study on Tween Bullying

Time magazine has just released a new study about bullying amongst 10-13 year olds. The study finds that bullying is largely overlooked when popular kids bully less powerful kids.

"In particular, they looked at how the usually negative relationship between relational aggression and peer liking held up among kids who were socially dominant (the popular kids) and those who were not (those who had ever been victimized by peers). The researchers found that, when a popular student bullies other kids, he or she doesn't get stigmatized. Victims who turn aggressive and bully other kids turn out to be the least liked kids in middle school. Worse, the findings suggest that no one cares when these kids are bullied."

Definitely worth a read.

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Hmmm - Perez Hilton to Appear on Nickelodeon's Victorious?

We just wrote about social networking and tweens, and then learned that online gossip maven, Perez Hilton, is going to featured on the new Victorious episode airing this Friday night (Aug 27) - see video below. To be honest, I don't know if our tweens know who Perez Hilton is, but I would prefer that they not read his blog just yet.

What do you think?

Me thinks we have a new topic for the dinner table . . .



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Our Interview With Tween Parenting Guru Rosalind Wiseman

Rosalind Wiseman, tween parenting guru and author of "Queen Bees and Wannabes", "King Pin Dads and Queen Bee Moms", and "Boys, Girls and Hazardous Materials", is leading a parent-tween workshop Tuesday night in downtown DC. The workshop is part of a national Girl World Tour and promises to be an engaging and educational event. Tweens and their parents are invited to attend together. Ms. Wiseman has been in the news a great deal of late (the New York Times and CNN to name a few) commenting on recent cyber-bullying issues, teen suicides, and several other topics of concern to tween and teen parents.
We had the opportunity to sit down with Ms. Wiseman and chat about some of the hot button issues in tween parenting today:

MsTwixt: "What prompted the Girl World Tour? It's clearly more than just a book launch - was there anything in particular in your work that triggered running these workshops now?"

Rosalind Wiseman: "I have to admit that the Girl World Tour wasn't my idea. [Our team] who works with me, thought that it would be great to create a book tour around getting parents and daughters together in a positive way. [The] girls would get a copy of "Boys, Girls, and Other Hazardous Materials", the adults would get a copy of the revised Queen Bees, and we would all get together and learn from each other about what's going on in girls' lives, what they think about common challenges they have with their parents, and give the adults the opportunity to talk to their kids in a different way--while I facilitate all of it!
I have to say that it has been an amazing experience. Watching the girls talk to the adults, really talk about what's going on with them is incredible. I really feel that although I am providing a lot of information and strategies for the girls and the adults, the event is is so special because the participants make it so."

MT: "We've been reading a lot about cyber-bully (via SMS and Facebook mostly) - will your workshop cover that topic? What can parents and girls expect to learn about cyber-bullying at Tuesday's workshop?"

RW: "Yes, we will be talking about social networking and cyber-bullying in the workshop but it's woven into the presentation as a part-for both better and worse-- of the girls' lives. I really don't believe in teaching "cyber-bullying" the way it is often taught--as if it is apart and distinct from other aspects of girls' lives. So when we will talk about conflicts girls get into with their peers, social networking plays a part in that and I'll teach girls and parents who to navigate through those really tough experiences."

MT: "A common worry I hear from parents in DC is that we live in such a pressure-cooker city. We're concerned that while there are resource benefits to our geography, does it come at too high a cost for our girls? Your tour has brought you all around the country - do you notice any differences in the issues that girls face in urban (like DC) areas vs more rural/suburban areas? What are things urban parents can do to better ground our daughters?"

RW: "I grew up in DC and now raising a family here, I have to agree with you. I do think living here presents unique challenges. Compared to other communities I work in, commitment to your profession often seems to be valued more than commitment to one's family--even if people say differently. For example, people can work on childcare policy issues but spend so much time doing that that they are hard pressed to be there for their own kids after school. And it's not like I am immune to these problems--I find myself doing it too. So my hope is that the DC tour will be an opportunity for parents and girls to really come together and spend time with each in a way that is sometimes hard to carve out in the business of our everyday lives."

Tickets to the workshop (Tuesday, April 6th 7-9pm at Georgetown Day School's upper school campus at 4200 Davenport Street, NW) are still available on Rosalind's site. The cost is $40 per parent-daughter pair and includes: admission to the event, one copy of each of Rosalind’s latest books, and a gift bag.

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American Tweens Send 1000+ Text Messages Every Month

We just read a study from NielsenWire that found that American tweens send 1,146 text messages every month. That's four SMS every hour that they are not in school. That's a lot than we would have thought, and our tweens have mobile phones. Hmm . . . better switch to that unlimited text plan.

Kajeet, a mobile phone service developed for kids (full disclosure: Verizon Wireless is our mobile phone service provider), recently published guidelines for responsible cell phone use for tweens. Among the strategies listed, we loved their tip about having the phones charge overnight in a location OTHER than their rooms to discourage unsupervised, late night texting).

Rules in our family regarding mobile phone use include the following:

• Phones are forbidden at the dining table (mind you, this rule is toughest for the parents to follow at times)
• Phones must be turned off during the school day
• The girls may not answer a call from a number they don't recognize; we screen
• Tweens are fully aware that mom reviews their texts on their phone at random

Do your tweens have mobile phones? Do they practice safe text-messaging? Certainly texting helps tweens stay in touch with their friends and family, but with cyber-bullying on the rise, are they aware of how to handle themselves using this medium?

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It Takes a Village: No Name Calling Week is January 25-29, 2010

No Name-Calling Week was inspired by a young adult novel entitled "The Misfits" by James Howe. The book tells the story of four best friends trying to survive the seventh grade in the face of all too frequent taunts based on their weight, height, intelligence, and sexual orientation/gender expression. Hmmm . . . sound familiar?!?!

Motivated by the inequities they see around them, the "Gang of Five" (as they are known) creates a new political party during student council elections and run on a platform aimed at wiping out name-calling of all kinds. Though they lose the election, they win the support of the school's principal for their cause and their idea for a "No Name-Calling Day" at school.

No Name-Calling Week was created by GLSEN and Simon and Schuster Children's Publishing and consists of over 40 national partner organizations. The first No Name-Calling Week in schools across the nation took place March 1-5, 2004; this year, it will take place the week of January 25-29, 2010. The project seeks to focus national attention on the problem of name-calling in schools, and to provide students and educators with the tools and inspiration to launch an on-going dialogue about ways to eliminate name-calling in their communities. The focus is on grades 5 through 8 - you know, those awkward middle-school/tween years.

You can get more information on this project on their website, www.nonamecalling.org, and download free materials on how to stop bullying in our communities. We blogged about bullying before (this is one of Demi Lovato's big causes), and we also covered this topic during the Tween Summit last fall. It takes a village, people, so check out this site and get involved!

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Should Facebook/Twitter/YouTube/MySpace Be Blocked By Schools?

Tweens are using social media (Facebook/Twitter/YouTube/MySpace) a lot more these days - they post pics of their friends and family, watch episodes of Fred or Justin Bieber videos (that's how he was discovered, actually), and follow their favorite celebrities on Twitter (or not, as Miley Cyrus famously quit Twitter last year) (check out MsTwixt's list of Tween Celebs on Twitter) and bands on MySpace (including Honor Society, Selena Gomez and Emily Osment). And in recent days, we've all witnessed how social media has been used for good - more than $6 million has been raised in the U.S. alone towards earthquake relief efforts in Haiti, much it driven by social networks and text messages. Demi Lovato even took to Twitter to encourage her fans to get involved to help.

Some of this takes away from studying and certainly shouldn't be done in school, but should schools totally block them? The debate is on, with proponents of blocking social media sites claiming that they are a distraction at best and used for cyber-bullying at worst. Opponents of banning social media in schools are beginning to grow, claiming that they're simply a new channel (not unlike mobile phones) and can actually be used to monitor and pre-empt social problems. Slate magazine, an online opinion blog, recently ran an op-ed on the subject.

Full disclosure: MsTwixt uses social networking a lot (you can follow us on Twitter at www.twitter.com/MsTwixt, join our Facebook page, or see us on MySpace at www.MySpace.com/MsTwixt), but this is about tweens using social networks.

What do you think?

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Rosalind Wiseman's New Book: The New Realities of Girl World

Apparently Ms Twixt has been under a rock because we did not realize that Rosalind Wiseman was re-writing/updating Queenbees & Wannabes. Her new book, The New Realities of Girl World is out TODAY and is based on new research conducted with girls relating to technology/media (e.g. MySpace, Facebook, Twitter), texting/sexting, and more. Ms. Wiseman was on the Today Show this morning - video below:

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