New Sharing and Privacy Features on Facebook: What Tween Parents Need To Know

This week Facebook rolled out some new features that affect the privacy of posts and can display the location of the user. Most parents, myself included, would be concerned if their tween's location was broadcast, so here's what tween parents need to know:

• Now when you update your Wall, you can tag others who are with you or related to the post. You'll see the icon as a little person with a plus sign in the lower left corner of the status field. Earlier this year Facebook beefed up its photo tagging feature; this seems to be the next step. Facebook wants to encourage users to interact directly with each another, and when your tween is tagged by a friend in a post, she'll get a note letting her know. This sharing feature has the potential to deepen the fissures in "Girl World" (in reference to Rosalind Wiseman's excellent work on this subject) in that it will make all the more public who's hanging out with whom. As parents, we need to monitor this and keep an eye out for any shunning, exclusion, cyberbullying issues it may exacerbate.
• When you update your status you can now also add a location to your status. If your tween uses Facebook via a smartphone, this means that anyone who can view her page can see where she is in real time. This has huge safety implications, so be sure to discuss it with your tween. This feature can be turned off; you'll see an icon that looks like a map marker below the status field - right next to the tagging icon mentioned above.
• You can also now determine who can view each status update by clicking on a Friends icon in the lower right corner of the status update field. This enables you to control the privacy settings of each individual post. Before it was much more difficult to send send different messages to different Friends on Facebook, but this feature will make it easier. This is a terrific feature if you want to send messages only to Family members or to certain groups of Friends (such as her soccer team), and it will require you to assign each Friend into a category. So each time you send a post, you can determine which group can see it. One note: the label "Everyone" is now called "Public"and still means that anyone can see those posts.)

Don't forget: Facebook's stated policy is that you must be 13 years old to have a profile, but the reality is that many tweens are active on it nonetheless. In case you missed them, here are our tips for keeping your tween safe online. We encourage you to review these three new features with your tween and discuss your family's policy for using or not using them. Now is also an excellent time to check the Privacy settings you have on your Facebook account as they are ever-changing.

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White House to Hold Conference on Bullying Prevention

The White House announced details today for its Conference on Bullying Prevention. This event will be held tomorrow, on Thursday, March 10th beginning at 10:30am with remarks by President Obama and the First Lady.

The conference will "bring together communities from across the nation who have been affected by bullying as well as those who are taking action to address it. Participants will speak about the effects of bullying and the work of students, parents, and teachers nationwide."

The event will be streamed live at www.whitehouse.gov/live and on Facebook at http://apps.facebook.com/facebooklive/
Breakout sessions will be held with participants on topics including:

• In-school Policies
• In-school Programs
• Community-based Programs
• Cyberbullying
• Campus-based Programs

Panelists include:

• Facebook Chief Security Officer Joe Sullivan
• Rosalind Wiseman
• Togetherville Founder Mandeep Dhillon
• MTV Vice President of Public Affairs Jason Rzepka

Some related links:

• Tips for keeping your tween safe online
• Our report from the FCC's Forum on Tweens and Texting
• Our interview with Rosalind Wiseman

Stay tuned for our report!

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Positive Tween Role Models in Celebration of International Women's Day

Today is the 100th International Women's Day, and in honor of it, here's our list of positive role models for tween girls - please add to it!

• First Lady Michelle Obama for fighting childhood obesity and role-modeling positive parenting
• Vicki Abeles for shining a light on the "Race to Nowhere"
• Rosalind Wiseman for teaching girls how to resolve conflicts with grace and power
• Rachel Simmons for a million reasons but especially her guidance on Formspring
• Sheryl Sandberg for speaking frankly and positively about work-life balance
• Taylor Audette for her Say It 2 My face movement to take a stand against cyberbullying
• Willow Smith for making her new single, "21st Century Girl" fun and empowering
• Geena Davis for her work in raising awareness of how girls are portrayed in the media
• Liz Funk for her work in exposing the overwhelming stress girls are under
• Amy Poehler and Tina Fey for making us all laugh out loud
• Lauren Bush for showing how we can raise awareness of and help to solve hunger in everyday choices
• Tavi Gevinson for making her own path and encouraging other tweens to do the same
  

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What Happened to the Gamma Girl?

After reading yesterday's article in the Washington Post about "What Happens When Mean Girls Girls Grow Up?" we started doing some research. At the end of the article the author, Laura Sessions Stepp, makes reference to a positive model for girl behavior called "Gamma Girls". Unlike Mean Girls, Queen Bees, or Wannabes, Gamma Girls are self-possessed, follow their own paths, and are defined by being well-adjusted. They lead through cooperation instead of intimidation - exactly the kind of tweens we're trying to raise.

The term "Gamma" comes from the third letter of the Greek alphabet and is known in science as being one of three or more closely related chemical substances. A Gamma Girl is independent and well-rounded - she jumps from group to group socially. She is a friend to everyone and "characteristically talks about activities they're doing for others, not for themselves" (think Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde or tween fashion blogger Tavi Gevinson). Gammas are smart, planners and detail-oriented.

A bit of background:

These terms appear to have been coined by Post writer Laura Sessions Stepp in a 2002 article titled "Alpha Girls: In Middle School, Learning to Handle The ABCs of Power". She described three groups: "Alphas", stars who define teen life and determine who will be excluded; "Betas", who worry that they're not in the in crowd; and "Gammas", student council president types who care more about what they do than how they appear. (If you follow "The Clique" series, consider Massie as the Alpha, Alicia as the Beta, and Claire as the Gamma. I can't take credit for this point - my eldest tween pointed this out to me during our discussion for this post.)

Later in 2002, Susannah Meadows wrote an article in Newsweek about Gammas in high school titled "Meet the Gamma Girls". Rosalind Wiseman's seminal book, "Queen Bees and Wannabes" also came out in 2002, as did Rachel Simmons' "Odd Girl Out". (We wonder: what was in the water that year?)

Then mentions of Gamma Girls seem to die down. The movie "Mean Girls" (the first one, not the recent "Mean Girls 2") came out in 2004 and was based on Ms. Wiseman's Queen Bees book. In 2007 the "Everything Parent's Guide to Raising Girls" referenced Gamma Girls albeit briefly, and the Meredith Corporation, a media publishing company (with titles such as Better Homes and Gardens and Ladies Home Journal) created a marketing division called Gamma Women to study this consumer target group amongst adults. There seems to have been little to no discussion on this group again until yesterday.

To the present:

There's been a nearly ten-year history of well-educated folks studying this phenomenon, and at first I was kicking myself for not being aware that there was a middle-path of raising a Gamma Girl for parents of tweens to follow. Then I remembered that my eldest tween was only five years old in 2002, so I wasn't paying attention to any of the issues surrounding tweens at that time.

But still, I have to ask: what happened to the Gamma Girl?

Why is our discussion dominated by Mean Girls and bullies? Are we guilty of the same situation plaguing our teachers - that we fuss and fret over the "problem kids" and end up ignoring everyone else in the middle because they're doing just fine?

Or is the Gamma Girl essentially the over-pressured and over-worked SuperGirl? Is it possible to raise a Gamma Girl without stressing her out on a "Race to Nowhere" or becoming a Tiger Mom ourselves?

We're going to be exploring these issues in the coming days and weeks as part of our continuing mission to discuss positive experiences for tween girls. We welcome your comments and value your input to this important discussion. Are you a Gamma Girl or raising one? What are you doing that's working well?

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What Happens When Mean Girls Grow Up?

Thanks to Rosalind Wiseman for pointing us to this very interesting article in today's Washington Post on "What Happens When Mean Girls Grow Up?"

We're still processing and would love to hear your thoughts!

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Glee Star Jane Lynch To Speak in DC About Tweens and Texting

The FCC (Federal Communications Commission) is holding a public forum on the mobile culture, tweens, cyberbullying, sexting, and more this Tuesday at McKinley Technology High School. The forum is called "Generation Mobile" and will feature Glee star Jane Lynch, tween parenting expert Rosalind Wiseman, and one of our favorite media site, Commonsense Media.

According to their site, the FCC is hosting the forum to bring "together teens, parents, educators and experts" to talk together about commonsense and responsible uses of technology. The forum will be split into two parts: FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski will hosting the first panel “Generation Mobile Speaks” featuring teens, parents and educators. The second panel, “Ask the Experts About Generation Mobile” will feature experts from SafetyWeb, Facebook, Sprint and other major mobile and technology players.

Youth and media has been in the news a great deal this year, and Washington has seen its share of such events (including Geena Davis speaking earlier this year at the "Healthy Media for Youth Summit"). This event is open to the public - for details, see the FCC website here and also streaming live at www.fcc.gov/live. You can also follow the event via Twitter using the #genmobile hashtag.

Photo credit: LG Text Ed via www.fcc.gov

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Our Interview With Tween Parenting Guru Rosalind Wiseman

Rosalind Wiseman, tween parenting guru and author of "Queen Bees and Wannabes", "King Pin Dads and Queen Bee Moms", and "Boys, Girls and Hazardous Materials", is leading a parent-tween workshop Tuesday night in downtown DC. The workshop is part of a national Girl World Tour and promises to be an engaging and educational event. Tweens and their parents are invited to attend together. Ms. Wiseman has been in the news a great deal of late (the New York Times and CNN to name a few) commenting on recent cyber-bullying issues, teen suicides, and several other topics of concern to tween and teen parents.
We had the opportunity to sit down with Ms. Wiseman and chat about some of the hot button issues in tween parenting today:

MsTwixt: "What prompted the Girl World Tour? It's clearly more than just a book launch - was there anything in particular in your work that triggered running these workshops now?"

Rosalind Wiseman: "I have to admit that the Girl World Tour wasn't my idea. [Our team] who works with me, thought that it would be great to create a book tour around getting parents and daughters together in a positive way. [The] girls would get a copy of "Boys, Girls, and Other Hazardous Materials", the adults would get a copy of the revised Queen Bees, and we would all get together and learn from each other about what's going on in girls' lives, what they think about common challenges they have with their parents, and give the adults the opportunity to talk to their kids in a different way--while I facilitate all of it!
I have to say that it has been an amazing experience. Watching the girls talk to the adults, really talk about what's going on with them is incredible. I really feel that although I am providing a lot of information and strategies for the girls and the adults, the event is is so special because the participants make it so."

MT: "We've been reading a lot about cyber-bully (via SMS and Facebook mostly) - will your workshop cover that topic? What can parents and girls expect to learn about cyber-bullying at Tuesday's workshop?"

RW: "Yes, we will be talking about social networking and cyber-bullying in the workshop but it's woven into the presentation as a part-for both better and worse-- of the girls' lives. I really don't believe in teaching "cyber-bullying" the way it is often taught--as if it is apart and distinct from other aspects of girls' lives. So when we will talk about conflicts girls get into with their peers, social networking plays a part in that and I'll teach girls and parents who to navigate through those really tough experiences."

MT: "A common worry I hear from parents in DC is that we live in such a pressure-cooker city. We're concerned that while there are resource benefits to our geography, does it come at too high a cost for our girls? Your tour has brought you all around the country - do you notice any differences in the issues that girls face in urban (like DC) areas vs more rural/suburban areas? What are things urban parents can do to better ground our daughters?"

RW: "I grew up in DC and now raising a family here, I have to agree with you. I do think living here presents unique challenges. Compared to other communities I work in, commitment to your profession often seems to be valued more than commitment to one's family--even if people say differently. For example, people can work on childcare policy issues but spend so much time doing that that they are hard pressed to be there for their own kids after school. And it's not like I am immune to these problems--I find myself doing it too. So my hope is that the DC tour will be an opportunity for parents and girls to really come together and spend time with each in a way that is sometimes hard to carve out in the business of our everyday lives."

Tickets to the workshop (Tuesday, April 6th 7-9pm at Georgetown Day School's upper school campus at 4200 Davenport Street, NW) are still available on Rosalind's site. The cost is $40 per parent-daughter pair and includes: admission to the event, one copy of each of Rosalind’s latest books, and a gift bag.

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Tween Parenting Guru in DC Tonight - Rosalind Wiseman!

Tween parenting guru Rosalind Wiseman is in Washington, DC TONIGHT at the National Press Club to discuss women in politics. This event is free and open to the public.

Ms. Wiseman's newest book is a novel for tween girls called "Boys, Girls and Other Hazardous Materials" and just came out January 12th. She will be back in D.C. on her Girl World Tour on April 6th - a must see for all mothers and their tween daughters. Stay tuned for more details.

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Rosalind Wiseman's New Book: The New Realities of Girl World

Apparently Ms Twixt has been under a rock because we did not realize that Rosalind Wiseman was re-writing/updating Queenbees & Wannabes. Her new book, The New Realities of Girl World is out TODAY and is based on new research conducted with girls relating to technology/media (e.g. MySpace, Facebook, Twitter), texting/sexting, and more. Ms. Wiseman was on the Today Show this morning - video below:

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