The Secret Language of Tweens - a Guide to Text Abbreviations

A St. Louis TV station, Channel 5, came out with a story this week about the abbreviations that tweens using when texting, and the list might surprise you. In addition to what you would expect as standard short-hand, the list includes "codes" covering everything from whether a parent is in the room ("POS" for "parents over shoulder") to finding a party ("WTPA" for "where the party at") to hooking up ("MIRL" for "meet in real life" and "NIFOC" for "nude in front of computer").

If your tween has a smartphone - and many do, including the DDs of yours truly - it is critical to talk early and often about the standards of conduct that your family has for ALL communications. For a primer on a Digital House Rules for your family, see this oldie-but-goodie article here.

Here is the full list of over 100 tween text abbreviations:

1. 143 - I love you

2. 2DAY - Today

3. 4EAE - For ever and ever

4. ADN - Any day now

5. AFAIK - As far as I know

6. AFK - Away from keyboard

7. ASL - Age/sex/location

8. ATM - At the moment

9.  BFN - Bye for now

10. BOL - Be on later

11. BRB - Be right back

12.  BTW - By the way

13. CTN - Can’t talk now

14. DWBH - Don’t worry, be happy

15.  F2F or FTF - Face to face

16.  FWB - Friends with benefits

17.  FYEO - For your eyes only

18. GAL – Get a life

19. GB - Goodbye

20. GLHF - Good luck, have fun

21. GTG - Got to go

22. GYPO - Get your pants off

23. HAK - Hugs and kisses

24. HAND - Have a nice day

25. HTH - Hope this helps / Happy to help

26. HW - Homework

27. IDK - I don’t know

28. IIRC - If I remember correctly

29. IKR - I know, right?

30. ILY / ILU - I love you

31. IM - Instant message

32. IMHO - In my honest opinion / In my humble opinion

33. IMO - In my opinion

34. IRL - In real life

35. IWSN - I want sex now

36. IU2U - It’s up to you

37. IYKWIM - If you know what I mean

38. J/K - Just kidding

39. J4F - Just for fun

40. JIC - Just in case

41. JSYK - Just so you know

42. KFY - Kiss for you

43. KPC - Keeping parents clueless

44. L8 - Late

45. LMBO - Laughing my butt off

46. LMIRL – Let’s meet in real life

47. LMK - Let me know

48. LOL - Laugh out loud

49. LSR - Loser

50. MIRL - Meet in real life

51. MOS - Mom over shoulder

52. NAGI - Not a good idea

53. NIFOC - Nude in front of computer

54. NM - Never mind

55. NMU - Not much, you?

56. NP - No problem

57. NTS - Note to self

58. OIC - Oh I see

59.  OMG - Oh my God

60. ORLY - Oh, really?

61. OT - Off topic

62. OTP- On the phone

63. P911- Parent alert

64. PAW - Parents are watching

65. PCM - Please call me

66. PIR - Parent in room

67. PLS or PLZ - Please

68. PPL - People

69. POS - Parents over shoulder

70. PTB - Please text back

71. QQ - Crying. This abbreviation produces an emoticon in text. It’s often used sarcastically.

72. RAK - Random act of kindness

73. RL - Real life

74. ROFL - Rolling on the floor laughing

75.  RT - Retweet

76. RUOK - Are you okay?

77. SMH - Shaking my head

78. SOS - Someone over shoulder

79. SRSLY- Seriously

80. SSDD - Same stuff, different day

81.  SWAK - Sealed with a kiss

82. SWYP - So, what’s your problem?

83. SYS - See you soon

84. TBC - To be continued

85. TDTM -Talk dirty to me

86. TIME - Tears in my eyes

87. WYCM - Will you call me?

88. TMI - Too much information

89. TMRW - Tomorrow

90.  TTYL - Talk to you later

91.  TY or TU - Thank you

92. VSF - Very sad face

93. WB - Welcome back

94. WTH - What the heck?

95.  WTPA - Where the party at?

96.  WYCM - Will you call me?

97. YGM - You’ve got mail

98. YOLO - You only live once

99. YW - You’re welcome

100. ZOMG - Oh my God (sarcastic)

101. 182 - I hate you

102. 420 - Marijuana

103. ADR - Address

104. CD9 - Code 9 - it means parents are around

105. ILU - I Love You

106. KOTL - Kiss On The Lips

107. LMIRL - Let's Meet In Real Life

108. NIFOC - Nude In Front Of The Computer

109. P999 - Parent Alert

110. PAL - Parents Are Listening -or- Peace And Love

111. RU/18 - Are You Over 18?

112. WYRN - What's Your Real Name?

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45% of Teens Would Change Their Online Behavior If They Knew Their Parents Were Watching.

The online security company McAfee has just published their annual report on "Teens and Screens", and the findings are prescriptive for us as parents. While most social networking sites' Terms of Service limit usage by tweens, many tweens use them anyways.  See below for a great infographic summarizing the report's findings; highlights from this report include:

• Nearly half (45%) of teens said that they would change their online behaviors if they knew that their parents were watching. Do you know how your tween behaves online? Do you know their virtual friends and hangouts?
• Nearly half (49%) of teens regretted something they've posted online - this despite being told that anything posted online is forever (yes, even SnapChat).
• More than half (52%) of teens do not turn off their GPS or location services on their smartphones. This means that online strangers can find your teen IRL (in-real-life).

For LOTS of tips on how to approach tech with your tween, check out our article on Creating a Family Technology Policy.

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Tweens Date By Text

We were fascinated by an article in this week's Wall Street Journal about the dating habits of tweens. Apparently entire relationships start, live and end via text message - and it's not an isolated occurrence: half of the older tweens surveyed (ages 11 to 14) say they've had a dating relationship. The few dozen tweens we spoke to this week confirmed the study findings: that this trend is a norm in their schools. One girl said, "Girls in my school do this to say they're in a relationship, but they never actually go anywhere."

While exploring dating is a cultural norm in middle school, MsTwixt does wish that the 1950's notion that having a boyfriend somehow validates a girl's worth would get with the times already.

Do you know if your tween "dates"? And if so, does s/he have a virtual or in-person relationship? Given that texting often figures in tween relationships of any kind, do you monitor your tween's texts? One tip: have all family members dock their phones at bedtime in a central location in your house - it will cut down tremendously on the late-night text sessions and mean more shut-eye for your kid. For other tips on developing a family technology policy, view our Women in Media interview here.

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Michelle on Obama on Facebook: "Why would we want to have a whole bunch of people who we don't know knowing our business? That doesn't make much sense."

Honestly, this is refreshing to hear from a fellow parent of tween girls. In the Obama family's only print interview of the season, People magazine asked them about their social networking and television usage. First Lady Michelle Obama says of their decision NOT to let First Tweens Malia and Sasha Obama use Facebook, "Why would we want to have a whole bunch of people who we don't know knowing our business? That doesn't make much sense."

Their tweens are young yet, and Facebook's stated policy is that a user must be 13 or older - but that hasn't stopped millions of tweens from actively using Facebook.

With the winter break upon us, tweens will be online in droves - here are our tips for keeping your tween safe online this season:

Our House Rules for Digitally Literate Girls:

(You can read the full interview with Gayle Trotter that ran in the Alliance for Women in Media "Special Report on Digital Literacy for Women and Girls" here.)

Gayle: How can you let girls become digitally proficient without being exposed to the trash on the Internet?

MsTwixt: In a word: slowly. Kids should be taught to go online in stages appropriate to their age, and parents need to monitor their children’s activity online.

Here are some tips for parents:

· Create a family technology policy. Articulate clearly what your expectations are with respect to how mobile phones, television viewing, Internet browsing, YouTube watching, texting, etc., are acceptable for your family. You should share and discuss this policy with your kids so that they are clear on the behavior expectations and the reasons why. The ethics you enforce in real life absolutely extend to your kids' digital lives.

· Trust but verify. There are settings on every major browser that enable “safe search” — which is essentially search result listings of questionable sites or sites with adult content being blocked from display. Clearly this is a form of censorship, and it’s not too different from the settings on one’s cable box that block out channels based on a parent’s preference.

· Parents should check the browsing history on all computers in the home regularly. Not only is this a list of where your kids have gone online, but it provides insight into the kind of information they are looking for and what they really use the Internet for (so you can tell if “online research” includes Facebook or not).

· Parents should “Google” their kid’s names a few times a year to keep tabs on what information strangers can find about your child.

· With mobile phones, most major carriers offer text plans that not only help you to budget text usage but also monitor the texts. Some carriers charge a fee while others do not — it varies a great deal. You can also look for a plan option that backs-up the information on a phone (very helpful for the address book feature) and monitor photos taken with the phone.

· One rule in our household is that all browsing MUST happen at the dining table or living room; computers are not allowed in bedrooms. Publicly viewed screens have a “fresh air” effect on browsing.

· If your kids are under the age of 13 and want to join Facebook, consider setting up a Facebook account for the entire family instead of each member of the family. Check your privacy settings frequently on Facebook (the default settings change often).

· Another household rule with mobile phones that you might find helpful: store all phones in a central place (i.e., NOT in the child’s room). Not only does it help to mitigate the morning scramble and ensure sleep, but it prevents the late-night, unmonitored text sessions.

· An ostrich strategy won’t work when it comes to technology. If you don’t know how to text, learn; if you don’t know what Facebook or Twitter are, spend some time poking around on those sites; and if you don’t know what you don’t know, ask other parents what they’re monitoring online.

· Some of the best ways to parent include modeling the behaviors we want to see in our children. While we often think of that in the context of manners, speech, and ethics, the same applies to online behaviors.

· Focus on the positives of technology and what it offers to your kids; girls especially need to be comfortable with technology in today’s world.

Tips for teaching kids to go online safely:

· Kids need to know that just because they read something online, it is not necessarily true. They should learn which sites are trusted for research information and to check the footnotes, bibliography and sources for any online research.

· Kids should keep a running list of online bookmarks for any research project. Sites such as Delicious make this easy to both save and organize, and it’s incredibly helpful to have a list of their sources available with a single click.

· Avoid using both their first and last name together for any login, username, or screename.

· NEVER enter their address online – this should ONLY be done by a parent.

· Sit down together in front of the computer to research something. This summer we were looking for a new tank filter for our turtle, and this exercise was really helpful for our girls to see how we searched for information, the kinds of terms and phrases we used, and which sites we chose to visit and which ones we chose not to and why. The parent should narrate what they’re doing and thinking at each step in the process. We do exactly this kind of task-based testing in the development world when developing applications, and it is extremely valuable. This same exercise can also be done when going onto the family Facebook account and reading through Wall posts, viewing photos, finding friends, etc.

· If your child really wants to explore a social network online, there are kid-only sites such as Everloop, Imbee, and Togetherville that are tailored just for them. Parents can feel secure in knowing that these communities have live monitoring and are COPPA-compliant (COPPA is the Child Online Privacy and Protection Act).

· Kids should understand that information posted online has a very long “half-life.” This means not only that anyone can find that goofy photo they took with their friends junior year, but that photo will come up when someone searches for them 5 or 10 years from now — and folks they care about (such as college admission officers, job interviewers, scholarship committees, coaches) will most assuredly search for them online. This is a tough reality to confront as it means that all of the trials and tribulations of growing up and the mistakes that come with it are on public display. We can’t stuff that genie back in the bottle, but being cognizant of it is vital.

· Be picky. Kids should be very selective in which sites they chose to use for research and which communities they choose to join. Discuss with them the merits of one social network over another, why one source for research is better than another, etc. With such vastness of information, it's important to learn to filter it well. They should be selective with their time and what information they share online — VERY selective.

Photo: The White House's official family portrait taken on December 11, 2011.

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Lessons Learned From Middle School: A Tween Parent's Reflections

Middle school is one of the most universally hated rites of passage in the U.S. And let's face it: it's with good reason - when else must one endure the growing pains, onset of puberty, ramped up academic requirements, and ever-shifting social landscape ALL AT ONCE? And for good measure, let's stick all of the kids going through this phase together in confined spaces for duration. I'd say that a close second to enduring middle school is parenting a child through those years. 

I realize that this intro might lead folks astray - our tween who is graduating middle school this week actually achieved some of her biggest accomplishments to-date, made some great friends, and is turning into a strong, confident young woman. But this is in spite of middle school, not because of it. So as I look to parent our other kids through their middle school years, I've cobbled together a list of lessons learned and shared wisdom from other tween parents so that I might be wiser the next time around. Please add your thoughts - because boy, does it take a village.

• Teach perspective. If I have one mantra in parenting, it is "perspective", and believe me, I chanted it endlessly throughout the past couple of years. Because everything - the good and the bad - seems amplified in the middle school years, I tried my darndest to give our tween perspective on whatever drama was going on at the moment. Perspective that today's perceived snub wasn't the end-all-be-all of lunchroom dynamics. Perspective that one bad exam score did not doom her to never getting into college. Perspective that a sports injury didn't mean giving up a sport she loves forever. Perspective that just because "Everyone watched Glee last night" she wasn't going to be a social pariah if she had to wait until the weekend to see it. It seems that middle schools are the birthing grounds for peer pressure, so I figure that coaching her now to realize (or at least consider) that there are many paths/options/choices out there is an act of self-preservation (hers and mine).
• Form a family policy on technology. Whatever your views on mobile phones, Facebook, Formspring, and the like, get out ahead of technology and your tween and make an informed opinion. As parents, we need to be aware of  the digital landscape before our tweens are - both the risks and the rewards. Make whatever policy makes sense for your family but have and articulate a stand on mobile phone usage, texting, social networking, etc. Be clear with your expectations and boundaries (e.g. "No Facebook until you're 13" or "Yes, you can have access to a family Facebook profile") and monitor how they engage. I don't know of a single middle school where Facebook isn't prevalent, so I highly recommend chatting with other parents about how they have established technology standards in their families.
• Read what she's reading in English class. This is something that I've tried to do but wish I had done more of. Middle school English also functions as a very rigorous book club, and if you've read the same book she has, you'll be amazed by the conversations you'll start and continue years later. We read "The Giver" by Lois Lowry, and to this day the themes raised in the book come up in conversation. Sharing her reading list gives you wonderful substantive conversation fodder, helps her to further develop her arguments for class, and keeps your brain from turning to mush (All things in moderation folks, even People magazine.).
• Teach stress management. Middle school algebra may strain your mind a bit, but the skills you learned to cope with exams, manage stress in school, and get a grip on a fear of public speaking are still fresh in your mind. Tweens will encounter pop-quizzes, final exams, and standardized tests for the first time in middle school - and it's gonna stress her out. Sharing the little tricks that worked for you can really help her calm the pre-test butterflies in her stomach. For more ideas, check out our Middle School Finals Care Package.
• Coach her in study skills. She's learning study skills in school already, but you can reinforce these at home. Post her big project due dates and tests on the family calendar (this has certainly helped me to NOT schedule a dinner meeting the night before). Talk about how you've broken down a big project before into smaller, more manageable tasks. Teach her that writing is supposed to be an iterative process - the more she's used to the concept of multiple drafts, the easier the feedback will be to take.
• Make home a home base. The later tween years are when kids "try on" different personas and take longer strides towards independence. They'll have their first school dances, attend inter-league sporting events, go to the school play with a group of friends, and much more without you. While it's a far cry from dropping them off at college, these little excursions are simultaneously fun and stressful: Will I fit in? How casual will other girls be? What if I don't see anyone I know? What if I run into the girl who was mean to me yesterday? Where will I sit at lunch? She's going to have to figure most of this out on her own, so do what you can to make home as safe as possible. For us, this means recognizing that our tweens need some downtime to just veg-out with music or with t.v. - any time that doesn't have to be productive is what you're going for here. Let her regress a bit and don't freak out when she suddenly demands to sleep with a hall light on, retrieves her once shelved stuffed animal, or suddenly craves more nesting time. The tween years are a tug and pull between young childhood and adolescence, and the small comforts of home are huge to help them make this transition.  This doesn't mean, however, letting her off the hook. Our Head of School recommends that parents keep the same standards for girls completing their chores even during exam week because it's routine, it reminds them of their role beyond being a student, and it's part of what everyone does in the family.
• Pack the bags the night before. This sounds silly, but honestly, I've found that as our tweens age, they're WORSE at keeping track of their stuff. Maybe it's because they've got so much more going on, or maybe keeping track of their multiple class binders is all that their minds can handle at the moment, but I've made more "emergency" mid-day school deliveries than I care to admit. Institute a rule that all bags - school, soccer, swimming, etc. - be packed the night before no matter how late they're up doing homework. It'll save her a lot of last minute angst.
• Model moderation. I'm not a doctor, but I seems to me that tween girls develop ravenous sugar cravings in middle school. Our kids like treats as much as the next ones, but candy has become a big thing in our house. I'm trying hard not to freak out too much, so I consulted our pediatrician (and our dentist). It turns out that our girls are not alone in their sugar rush, and they counseled me to keep an eye on three things: 1) Make sure that on balance, the girls eat well (so think back to the baby years when you evaluated what they ate over the course of a week) - they're going to have good days and bad. To avoid battles over food, keep an eye on what they ate over the week rather than the day (chances are they are successfully self-moderating after a sugar binge day). When in doubt, consult with your pediatrician. 2) When the sugar intake goes up, so does the level of activity. Introduce a new sport or institute family walks after dinner to counterbalance the increase in desk time and t.v. time during the tween years. And parents, this means you've got to get up and move too. 3) Make certain that dental hygiene doesn't slip - this is doubly important if she's got braces. Her friends will likely let her know if she's forgotten to brush her teeth that morning, but now that she's got her adult teeth, she's got to take care of them for the long-term.

Dear readers, what advice would you add? Please join the discussion on Facebook or by posting a comment below.

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The American Academy of Pediatrics on Social Media, "Facebook Depression"

In a report released today, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) weighs-in on the pros and cons of social media and tweens. The report is titled "The Impact of Social Media Use on Children, Adolescents and Families" and can be downloaded from their website. We've pulled out the key takeaways for you below:

First, the good news:

• Social media can be a positive in helping tweens and teens to communicate - especially those who tend to be shy in group situations.
• Knowing how to use online social networks, smartphones and mobile phones is actually a relevant technical skill set.
• Volunteering and youth activism is positively enabled by social media, and it's getting more tweens and teens involved.
• Using social media can help a child to refine his or her identity by giving her an outlet for self-expression and helping her to find others with like interests.
• Believe it or not, middle and high school students truly are using Facebook and other social networks for studying - for group projects in school and exchanging ideas and continuing substantive conversations beyond the classroom.
• Students have readier access to important health information and can easily connect with others who face similar medical conditions. They can even use these channels to better communicate with their doctors, stay more compliant with their treatment protocols, and miss fewer doses of medication as a result of being more connected.

But there is also a darker side to social media usage by tweens and teens. We've touched upon some of these issues in earlier articles including our report from the White House Conference on Bullying Prevention. The AAP outlined the following as issues for parents to be aware of and keep vigilant about:

• Tweens in particular can find themselves in situations online that are not age-appropriate.
• Social media, online gaming and the like can be "addictive" from a behavioral standpoint and interfere with homework, sleep and face-to-face interactions.
• If not explicitly addressed, students can inadvertently release and share personal information online, raising privacy, advertising to youth, exploitation, and other concerns.
• Cyberbullying and sexting, themselves dangerous behaviors, can lead to severe depression among tweens and teens and may go unnoticed if parents are not aware of the networks in which their children participate. The AAP coins the term "Facebook Depression" in this report and defines it as what happens when tweens and teens "spend a great deal of time on Facebook and then begin to exhibit the classic the signs of depression."

The report is aimed at pediatricians and calls upon them to advise parents in the following way:

• Ask about and understand how your child uses social media and technology,
• Become better educated in the technologies your child is using,
• Have a family policy for online usage including a way to double-check privacy settings/controls and monitor inappropriate posts, and
• Actively monitor online usage and don't depend upon software to do this for you.

Related links:

• The AAP report on safety and tweens as babysitters
• Key takeaways from the White House Conference on Bullying Prevention
• Our tips for online safety for tweens

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How Tweens and Teens Use Social Networks

Today we were invited to sit in on an interesting webinar on tween and teen girls' usage of social networks. The webinar was run by the Girl Scout Research Institute and the Pew Internet and American Life Research Project and featured results from their surveys on how girls use the Internet, Facebook, Twitter and other social media.

While the data is older than we would've liked to have seen (from 2009), there were some interesting tidbits:

• 93% of teens use the Internet, and 73% of those use social networks like Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace
• Girls who use social media update their Facebook status at least twice a day on average
• Middle school kids acknowledge that they act "fake and phony" online but know that they "should act responsibly"
• 68% of girls have had a negative experience (read: cyberbullying) online, but they are also self-aware: surprisingly, 58% admit to engaging in gossip online
• Three-quarters of girls say that girls "make their social network profiles look cooler than they really are"
• 4 out of 10 girls ages 14-17 curse online and 10% have posted photos of themselves smoking or drinking even though they know that such posts could hurt their college applications
• The most common words girls use to describe themselves online? "Fun", "funny" and "social"
• 38% of socially networked girls use Twitter and send about 8 Tweets a day
• MySpace isn't dead yet - 28% of socially networked girls still use it
• 31% of girls do NOT protect their profiles and photos online (see our detailed tips here and TALK TO YOUR TWEENS ABOUT PRIVACY AND PROFILES!)

For more tidbits, you can view our coverage of this webinar on our Twitter feed.

Check out our report from the FCC's forum on Texting, our tips on how to keep your tweens protected from unwanted photo tagging on Facebook, and our call to Take Back Formspring.

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MsTwixt's List of 2011 Tween's New Year's Resolutions

Here's the complete list from our series of New Year's Resolutions for Tweens in 2011. Did you try any of these? Please add your suggestions and comments below.

• Get up for school on time
• Write thank you notes
• Pack the right gear
• Connect with mom - try a Mother-Daughter journal
• Make family dinners fun
• Unplug more - use Facebook and text in moderation
• Cook as a family
• Role model healthy living for our daughters

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Tween New Year's Resolution: Unplug

Facebook and texting are now part of life for most tweens - whether or not they have a Facebook profile or a mobile phone, these technologies play a growing role in the social culture of tweens throughout the U.S. We're always vigilant about how much and when our tweens use technology, but in general, we all could "unplug" a bit more. This year, we've made that resolution as entire family.

An article in the New York Times last fall titled "Growing Up Digital: Wired for Distraction" provided some context for our resolution - it tells a cautionary tale of tweens and digital overload:

• On YouTube: “You can get a whole story in six minutes,” explains a high school junior. “A book takes so long. I prefer the immediate gratification.” 
• "The technology has created on campuses a new set of social types — not the thespian and the jock but the texter and gamer, Facebook addict and YouTube potato."
• “If someone tells you about a drama going on with someone,” 14-year old Allison says. “I can text one person while talking on the phone to someone else.” 
• “I’ll be reading a book for homework, and I’ll get a text message and pause my reading and put down the book, pick up the phone to reply to the text message, and then 20 minutes later realize, ‘Oh, I forgot to do my homework.’ ” 

We thought the article was a useful reminder of the academic dangers of being too plugged in - let us know what you think.

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We Hope You and Your Tween Had a Happy Christmas!

We hope that she got everything she wanted!
We spent the day hanging out with our tweens, painting Christmas pillowcases, watching the Transformers movie marathon and "The Grinch" on t.v., and decorating a gingerbread house. A sign of the times: our tweens all got a flurry of text messages when it snowed in D.C. on Christmas morning, and later in the day they all checked in with their friends and cousins on Facebook to post their favorite gifts.
How did you spend the holiday with your tween?

Photo from chasing fireflies.com - how cute are these tees and pettiskirts? (The tees are now on sale for $19.99)

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Tweens and Texting: Key Findings from the FCC Forum with Glee's Jane Lynch Today

Today we had the opportunity to attend the FCC's forum, "Generation Mobile", on tweens and texting at McKinley Tech High School in Washington, DC. This event was headline by Glee star Jane Lynch who is also the spokesperson for LG's new Text Ed campaign to educate parents and kids about texting responsibly. We tweeted extensively during the day - you can view our entire transcript on our Twitter page here (look for our tweets with the #genmobile hashtag).

We met some old friends (Rosalind Wiseman) and some new ones (SafetyWeb's Michael Clark (they offer a kind of reputation monitor for kids) and Marsali Hancock from the Internet Keep Safe Coalition (an international non-profit)).

Some tidbits from the forum on tweens and texting:

• "The future of security online has to start with the individual. Safety means reputation, privacy, and identity." - Michael Clark of SafetyWeb
• Teaching "digital literacy" is shared responsibility among parents, schools and kids (they have things to teach us too!) - Dane Snowden of CTIA-The Wireless Association
• "It's important for parents to teach kids that no digital communication is private - it is all public because regardless of your own privacy settings, others can save and forward anything online." - Marsali Hancock of the Internet Keep Safe Coalition
• "When you delete something on Facebook, it is deleted from your profile (but photo tags are NOT), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be careful with what you post." - Tim Sparapani of Facebook
• 42% of parents opt not to use parental controls on mobile phones - is it because they don't want to or don't know how?
• "Make sure you know what apps are on your kid's phones - that way you know what information is being shared." - Michael Clark of SafetyWeb

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Another Taylor Takes on Cyberbullying: Say It 2 My Face

We love this: a University of Southern California teen is taking on cyberbullying. A former victim herself, Taylor Audette had enough. She's put together this very cool online movement to address the anonymous bullying that happens over social networks like Facebook and FormSpring called (appropriately) Say It 2 My Face.

In her own words: "Our campaign encourages everyone to think about what they type, what they post, and what they spread online. The 'Say It 2 My Face' slogan helps people understand that what they say in the cyber realm is very rarely what they'd ever say to someone's face."

We think she's onto something. Encourage your tween to read about the movement and sign the pledge.

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Glee Star Jane Lynch To Speak in DC About Tweens and Texting

The FCC (Federal Communications Commission) is holding a public forum on the mobile culture, tweens, cyberbullying, sexting, and more this Tuesday at McKinley Technology High School. The forum is called "Generation Mobile" and will feature Glee star Jane Lynch, tween parenting expert Rosalind Wiseman, and one of our favorite media site, Commonsense Media.

According to their site, the FCC is hosting the forum to bring "together teens, parents, educators and experts" to talk together about commonsense and responsible uses of technology. The forum will be split into two parts: FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski will hosting the first panel “Generation Mobile Speaks” featuring teens, parents and educators. The second panel, “Ask the Experts About Generation Mobile” will feature experts from SafetyWeb, Facebook, Sprint and other major mobile and technology players.

Youth and media has been in the news a great deal this year, and Washington has seen its share of such events (including Geena Davis speaking earlier this year at the "Healthy Media for Youth Summit"). This event is open to the public - for details, see the FCC website here and also streaming live at www.fcc.gov/live. You can also follow the event via Twitter using the #genmobile hashtag.

Photo credit: LG Text Ed via www.fcc.gov

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Top 10 Back to School Safety Tips for Tweens

Given our recent post with the latest study results finding that tween girls are the most at risk for abduction, here are the "Top 10" back to school safety rules for tweens (borrowed liberally from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children) website:

1. Travel in packs: always TAKE A FRIEND with when walking or biking, and stay with a group while standing at the bus stop. 
2. Stay in the light: whenever walking places, even familiar routes, NEVER TAKE SHORTCUTS and always stay in well-lit areas. Parent can point out landmarks and coach tweens on safe places to go if they’re being followed or need help.
3. Trust your gut - if it feels unsafe, go with that. If anyone bothers them, makes them feel scared or uncomfortable to TRUST YOUR FEELINGS and immediately get away from that person.  
4. It's okay to be rude sometimes: parents of tween girls especially need to coach their daughters and tell them it is ok not to be polite at all times, and IT IS OK TO SAY NO. 
5. Go ahead - make a scene: Teach your tween if anyone tries to take them somewhere they should RESIST by kicking and screaming, try to run away and DRAW ATTENTION by kicking and screaming “This person is trying to take me away” or “This person is not my father/mother.” Staying out of a would-be abductor's vehicle is crucial.
6. There's no such thing as a free ride: Teach your tween NOT TO ACCEPT A RIDE from anyone unless you have said it is ok in that instance.  If anyone follows them in a vehicle they should turn around, go in the other direction, and run to a trusted adult who may help them.
7. Ignore adults - at least when they ask for you directions: Tweens should know that grownups do NOT ASK CHILDREN FOR DIRECTIONS. It's a red flag if someone does. 
8. No handouts: tweens should NEVER ACCEPT MONEY OR GIFTS from anyone unless a parent has told them it is ok to accept in each instance.
9. Paperwork, paperwork: Make sure the school has current and accurate emergency contact information is on file for kids your and CONFIRM NAMES of those authorized.
10. Check in early; check in often: Always know where your tween will be. Teach your children to always CHECK FIRST before changing their plans before or after school.  Teach your children to never leave school, with anyone unless they CHECK FIRST with you or another trusted adult, even if someone tells them it is an emergency. We're explicit with our tweens that cell phones are not for after-the-face - they're for before-the-change.

According to the study authors, kids are their own best savior in these situations, so coach your tweens!

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American Tweens Send 1000+ Text Messages Every Month

We just read a study from NielsenWire that found that American tweens send 1,146 text messages every month. That's four SMS every hour that they are not in school. That's a lot than we would have thought, and our tweens have mobile phones. Hmm . . . better switch to that unlimited text plan.

Kajeet, a mobile phone service developed for kids (full disclosure: Verizon Wireless is our mobile phone service provider), recently published guidelines for responsible cell phone use for tweens. Among the strategies listed, we loved their tip about having the phones charge overnight in a location OTHER than their rooms to discourage unsupervised, late night texting).

Rules in our family regarding mobile phone use include the following:

• Phones are forbidden at the dining table (mind you, this rule is toughest for the parents to follow at times)
• Phones must be turned off during the school day
• The girls may not answer a call from a number they don't recognize; we screen
• Tweens are fully aware that mom reviews their texts on their phone at random

Do your tweens have mobile phones? Do they practice safe text-messaging? Certainly texting helps tweens stay in touch with their friends and family, but with cyber-bullying on the rise, are they aware of how to handle themselves using this medium?

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So, will our kids really live online?

Turns out that's not the case - that teens (what our 'tweens will soon become) prefer live interaction to virtual interaction. A report due to be released tomorrow by OTX Research of 750 teens nationwide finds that while teens spend about eleven and half hours online each week (this includes surfing, text messaging, social networking, etc), they don't necessarily prefer to do everything online. They prefer spending time with friends (91%) to chatting with friends online, and prefer to head to the mall (82%) than shop online (18%). When given the choice between IM-ing a friend versus calling a friend, it's split (54 vs. 46%).
I don't know about you, but I was heartened to read this piece of research. So much of what we hear today in the media is about how dis-associated the youth of today have become and that kids are growing up devoid of social skills. It's nice to get external reinforcement that we are not raising a generation of cyber-punks.
While we are doing our darndest to ensure that our kids DO have appropriate social skills, we are also teaching them the skills to navigate online - after all, there is an etiquette to email and to other online behaviour. It turns out that rather than online interaction REPLACING live interaction, they are actually COMPLEMENTING each other. And that is a positive trend.