Final Exam Study Tips for Middle School

Final exams are this week in our household, and the tweens have been busy studying for the past week. We asked the girls to share some of their study tips - we hope you find them useful!

• Put your exam dates on the family calendar. That way, your brothers know to not bug you and your parents remember to make you a good breakfast the morning of.

• Make digital flashcards. We found a fun app called Flashcard for the iPhone. It works great and made studying more fun - it was especially helpful for study groups.

• Turn studying for history into a craft project: make a paper timeline. This helped me to understand how long a king's reign or a Chinese dynasty really was.

• Take over your space - my sister turned her closet mirrors into a giant study guide for her Mandarin test by using colorful dry-erase markers on the mirrors. It looks really cool!

• Study outside! My mom didn't want us to miss pool-time during our Memorial Day vacation, so she put our study guide sheets in clear plastic sheet protectors - it worked!

We hope you like these study tips - we used them both for mid-terms and for finals. Last year was the first time we had finals, so our mom made us a Finals Care Package that was filled with all kinds of really fun things.

If you liked this post, you can subscribe to this blog by clicking here. You can also get up-to-the-minute updates on tween lifestyle by following us on Twitter and on Facebook.

Lessons Learned From Middle School: A Tween Parent's Reflections

Middle school is one of the most universally hated rites of passage in the U.S. And let's face it: it's with good reason - when else must one endure the growing pains, onset of puberty, ramped up academic requirements, and ever-shifting social landscape ALL AT ONCE? And for good measure, let's stick all of the kids going through this phase together in confined spaces for duration. I'd say that a close second to enduring middle school is parenting a child through those years. 

I realize that this intro might lead folks astray - our tween who is graduating middle school this week actually achieved some of her biggest accomplishments to-date, made some great friends, and is turning into a strong, confident young woman. But this is in spite of middle school, not because of it. So as I look to parent our other kids through their middle school years, I've cobbled together a list of lessons learned and shared wisdom from other tween parents so that I might be wiser the next time around. Please add your thoughts - because boy, does it take a village.

• Teach perspective. If I have one mantra in parenting, it is "perspective", and believe me, I chanted it endlessly throughout the past couple of years. Because everything - the good and the bad - seems amplified in the middle school years, I tried my darndest to give our tween perspective on whatever drama was going on at the moment. Perspective that today's perceived snub wasn't the end-all-be-all of lunchroom dynamics. Perspective that one bad exam score did not doom her to never getting into college. Perspective that a sports injury didn't mean giving up a sport she loves forever. Perspective that just because "Everyone watched Glee last night" she wasn't going to be a social pariah if she had to wait until the weekend to see it. It seems that middle schools are the birthing grounds for peer pressure, so I figure that coaching her now to realize (or at least consider) that there are many paths/options/choices out there is an act of self-preservation (hers and mine).
• Form a family policy on technology. Whatever your views on mobile phones, Facebook, Formspring, and the like, get out ahead of technology and your tween and make an informed opinion. As parents, we need to be aware of  the digital landscape before our tweens are - both the risks and the rewards. Make whatever policy makes sense for your family but have and articulate a stand on mobile phone usage, texting, social networking, etc. Be clear with your expectations and boundaries (e.g. "No Facebook until you're 13" or "Yes, you can have access to a family Facebook profile") and monitor how they engage. I don't know of a single middle school where Facebook isn't prevalent, so I highly recommend chatting with other parents about how they have established technology standards in their families.
• Read what she's reading in English class. This is something that I've tried to do but wish I had done more of. Middle school English also functions as a very rigorous book club, and if you've read the same book she has, you'll be amazed by the conversations you'll start and continue years later. We read "The Giver" by Lois Lowry, and to this day the themes raised in the book come up in conversation. Sharing her reading list gives you wonderful substantive conversation fodder, helps her to further develop her arguments for class, and keeps your brain from turning to mush (All things in moderation folks, even People magazine.).
• Teach stress management. Middle school algebra may strain your mind a bit, but the skills you learned to cope with exams, manage stress in school, and get a grip on a fear of public speaking are still fresh in your mind. Tweens will encounter pop-quizzes, final exams, and standardized tests for the first time in middle school - and it's gonna stress her out. Sharing the little tricks that worked for you can really help her calm the pre-test butterflies in her stomach. For more ideas, check out our Middle School Finals Care Package.
• Coach her in study skills. She's learning study skills in school already, but you can reinforce these at home. Post her big project due dates and tests on the family calendar (this has certainly helped me to NOT schedule a dinner meeting the night before). Talk about how you've broken down a big project before into smaller, more manageable tasks. Teach her that writing is supposed to be an iterative process - the more she's used to the concept of multiple drafts, the easier the feedback will be to take.
• Make home a home base. The later tween years are when kids "try on" different personas and take longer strides towards independence. They'll have their first school dances, attend inter-league sporting events, go to the school play with a group of friends, and much more without you. While it's a far cry from dropping them off at college, these little excursions are simultaneously fun and stressful: Will I fit in? How casual will other girls be? What if I don't see anyone I know? What if I run into the girl who was mean to me yesterday? Where will I sit at lunch? She's going to have to figure most of this out on her own, so do what you can to make home as safe as possible. For us, this means recognizing that our tweens need some downtime to just veg-out with music or with t.v. - any time that doesn't have to be productive is what you're going for here. Let her regress a bit and don't freak out when she suddenly demands to sleep with a hall light on, retrieves her once shelved stuffed animal, or suddenly craves more nesting time. The tween years are a tug and pull between young childhood and adolescence, and the small comforts of home are huge to help them make this transition.  This doesn't mean, however, letting her off the hook. Our Head of School recommends that parents keep the same standards for girls completing their chores even during exam week because it's routine, it reminds them of their role beyond being a student, and it's part of what everyone does in the family.
• Pack the bags the night before. This sounds silly, but honestly, I've found that as our tweens age, they're WORSE at keeping track of their stuff. Maybe it's because they've got so much more going on, or maybe keeping track of their multiple class binders is all that their minds can handle at the moment, but I've made more "emergency" mid-day school deliveries than I care to admit. Institute a rule that all bags - school, soccer, swimming, etc. - be packed the night before no matter how late they're up doing homework. It'll save her a lot of last minute angst.
• Model moderation. I'm not a doctor, but I seems to me that tween girls develop ravenous sugar cravings in middle school. Our kids like treats as much as the next ones, but candy has become a big thing in our house. I'm trying hard not to freak out too much, so I consulted our pediatrician (and our dentist). It turns out that our girls are not alone in their sugar rush, and they counseled me to keep an eye on three things: 1) Make sure that on balance, the girls eat well (so think back to the baby years when you evaluated what they ate over the course of a week) - they're going to have good days and bad. To avoid battles over food, keep an eye on what they ate over the week rather than the day (chances are they are successfully self-moderating after a sugar binge day). When in doubt, consult with your pediatrician. 2) When the sugar intake goes up, so does the level of activity. Introduce a new sport or institute family walks after dinner to counterbalance the increase in desk time and t.v. time during the tween years. And parents, this means you've got to get up and move too. 3) Make certain that dental hygiene doesn't slip - this is doubly important if she's got braces. Her friends will likely let her know if she's forgotten to brush her teeth that morning, but now that she's got her adult teeth, she's got to take care of them for the long-term.

Dear readers, what advice would you add? Please join the discussion on Facebook or by posting a comment below.

If you liked this post, you can subscribe to this blog by clicking here. You can also get up-to-the-minute updates on tween lifestyle by following us on Twitter at www.twitter.com/MsTwixt and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/MsTwixt

A Middle School Finals Care Package

These days our middle school tweens are busy prepping for their final exams (blissfully, the elementary-school-age tween does not yet have finals). Remembering back to our own exam weeks and the sense of desperation we recall, we were inspired to put together a Middle School Finals Care Package. Here's what we included:

• Good & Plenty candies (black licorice has tummy-soothing properties and re-energizes tired brains)
• Sugarless mint gum (the big can; enough to help stave off the inevitable fingernail biting for a little bit; Freedent gum is easiest on those with braces)
• New nail polish (here's the trick: tweens are loathe to scuff up a new manicure; waiting for the polish to dry gives them uninterrupted reading time - plus there's incentive to not bite their nails when they look so good)
• Package of hair ties (anything to help keep her hair off her face while she studies)
• Vitamin Waters (we bought a package of mini-bottles as a treat that wasn't soda; our tweens love that they contain vitamins to help them focus - we chose "Focus", "Spark", and "Energy")
• Burt's Bees Blemish Stick (stress causes breakouts, and this formula is all natural and not overpowering)
• Lavender scented candle (lavender fragrance has a calming effect, and there's something comforting about lighting a candle; obviously do this only when there is adult supervision)
• Mint flavored lip balm (to comfort those bitten lips - plus mint has cooling and invigorating effects)
• Box of chamomile tea (a terrific, caffeine-free way to wind down after a study session)

As a bonus, all of the items listed above were available at our local CVS/drugstore - one stop shopping and thus stress-free for the parents!

What items would you add to the Middle School Finals Care Package?

If you liked this post, you can subscribe to this blog by clicking here. You can also get up-to-the-minute updates on tween lifestyle by following us on Twitter at www.twitter.com/MsTwixt and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/MsTwixt

A Film Tween Parents MUST See: Race To Nowhere

A documentary relevant to school-age children and their parents is making the round at area schools: "Race To Nowhere" is a  film made by a mother of three in Lafayette, California, Vicki Abeles. She saw the strain in her children "as they navigated days filled with school, homework, tutoring and extracurricular activities." When her 12-year-old daughter was diagnosed with a stress-induced illness, it was a wake-up call that made her "look closely at the relentless pressure to perform that children face today." The movie features interviews with tweens, teens, teachers, parents and development experts about the stress, depression and burnout that pervades schools in the U.S. The film comes as a particularly poignant time: we simultaneously have experts questioning the pressure to perform on kids while others, such as the Tiger Mom, advocate for stricter standards and greater focus on performance.

"Race to Nowhere: the Dark Side of America's Achievement Culture" is upfront with its agenda to "radically changing the national dialogue on education" and "mobilize families, educators, and policy makers to challenge current assumptions on how to best prepare the youth of America to become healthy, bright, contributing and leading citizens."

We had the chance to attend an early screening last week, and additional screenings are scheduled in the District on March 1st and 8th at Washington Hebrew Congregation (3935 Macomb Street NW) and the Avalon Theatre (5612 Connecticut Ave NW) respectively.
While we didn't agree with everything in the film, we were struck by its message and the voices of the tweens and teens interviewed. Some points that particularly stuck with us include:

• Are we raising a nation of "academic competitors" at the expense of true learners?
• The dread and inevitability expressed by students about the treadmill they are on to "get-into-a-good-high-school-so-that-they-can-get-into-a-top-tier-school-and-then-get-into-a-top-tier-grad-school-so-that-they-can-get-a-good-job."
• We've turned out children into professional students. High school transcripts are the essentially the resume of students, and their job is getting into college. And kids start building their resumes at age 8.
• The common source of most kids' negative behavior is stress.
• Sleep deprivation is a form of child neglect.
• Cheating is becoming rampant, and students are feeling intense pressure to "get the grade by hook or by crook." "Cheating has become another course in school that one gets better at each year."
• The only unstructured time kids have these days is on the computer, and that brings its own set of issues.
• The world is run by C-students - very few CEOs were top students; they were just the most persistent.

The movie closes with a litany of suggestions for students, parents and educators, but it's clear that the path to solving the stress problem is a long road.
The film has received critical acclaim and will resonate especially amongst denizens of America's most overachieving city.

If you liked this post, you can subscribe to this blog by clicking here. You can also stay up-to-the-minute on updates on tween lifestyle by following us on Twitter at www.twitter.com/MsTwixt and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/MsTwixt

Malia's Grades, High Standards, and Tween Stress

Much has been written in recent days about Malia Obama's grades. During a speech President Obama made last week to educators in Wisconsin, he went off script and related a story about First Tween Malia Obama's study habits. He and First Lady Michelle Obama have set high standards in their home for grades, saying the "the goal is 90 percent and up." These standards were communicated to their daughters years ago when Malia brought home a B grade on a test.

The President's goal in relating the story was to reinforce how important it is for parents to set high standards for children. He was proud that Malia has internalized these high standards and told the audience that she recently got a 73 on a science test and "felt depressed" by the grade. She said followed the study guide, but that alone was not enough. Rather than get discouraged by this experience, Malia resolved to study harder.

A few days later, Malia earned a 95 on a test in that same science class. While that grade was what she and the President wanted, what made him more proud was her saying that she "just liked having knowledge".

This story is an interesting contrast at a time when researchers are finding that the current generation (often referred to as Millennials or "Generation Next") has been raised expecting praise and validation for ANY effort. Millennials are born between 1982 and 2000 and technically includes Malia Obama (who was born in 1998). The President's call to set and maintain very high standards for our kids is a refreshing message to the take-easy-road mentality that is often portrayed as realistic paths in media today.

At the same time, tweens today are more stressed than ever. A study released last week by the American Psychological Association shows that tweens experience great stress due to "school pressure and family finances", and that most parents underestimate the amount of stress their child is under. Not managing this stress now can lead to serious long-term health implications according to the study's doctors.

As all parents try to do, we are constantly working to strike a balance between motivating and supporting our tweens. We set high academic standards, but we are also constantly looking for signs of stress in our daughters. Tweens are at an age where social pressures begin in earnest and physical and emotional growth occurs at a rapid pace. Sometimes we have to cut the the girls a little slack, and a B grade is perfectly okay.

How do you strike this balance? Is expecting A's of your children realistic or a no-brainer? How do you handle it when a lower grade comes home? Are your tweens stressed, or are they blissfully unaware? Please post your comments below.

If you liked this post, you can subscribe to this blog by clicking here.

Rescuing "Supergirls"

Here's a book that is DEFINITELY worth checking out for your summer reading list: Supergirls Speak Out by Liz Funk. Liz is a former supergirl herself and speaks from her experience and from the interviews she conducted with like girls. A supergirl is an overachiever: the girl who has the brains, the beauty, the work ethic and a dangerous desire to achieve - and make it look easy doing so. Her book is an interesting look into this new phenomenon that, as a parent of 'tween girls, gave me insight into some of the new pressures facing our daughters today.

Juggler's Guilt

Well, school is officially underway, and so are the multitude of activities and events requiring parental attendance and/or involvement - Back to School Night, orientations, welcome events, kick-off meetings - you name it. And if you have more than one child, well, you are probably already in support of cloning research.
I've often joked that as a parent, one must write-off all of September and May for school events - my calendar is so over-booked that client travel becomes nearly a relief from it all.
But what if you can't make these events? What if that client meeting/surgery/deposition/court date/whatever could not be moved? Will your kid be the only one there solo, pining for his/her parental unit? Are you scarring them for life? I've run into so many parents of late confronting exactly this dilemma: whom to let down - their boss or their kid. What a choice! And why must we be making them??
The guilt is overwhelming. And I don't know about you, but boy am I exhausted by juggling all those balls. I suppose the only good news is that we're not alone in either the guilt or the exhaustion.
If this were the work world, Back to School would be treated as an off-site for 3 days at some comfy resort complete with all manner of bonding activities, catered affairs, and social mixers. It would be sacred time carved out of our hectic lives to focus on getting our kids properly "on-boarded" for the year. Instead, it is crammed in over the course of several weeks to give us ample time to piss off work colleagues/clients, arrive late to several events, miss deadlines (for both work and school), and feel inept at our ability to manage it all.
Enough already! Ditch the guilt. We're doing our best to manage it all, prioritizing our kids as much as possible, keeping our jobs, and striving to contribute meaningful to our schools. Our kids are (hopefully) more resilient than we think and will understand that they always come first (and that they, as a person, are the priority, not the school event). But the guilt isn't productive and doesn't help our kids. Striving forth with as much confidence as we can muster teaches them by example that we have done our best, made our peace, and are moving on. And that is definitely a lesson I want my girls to take.